Your parent has made the difficult decision to omit your brother or sister from their estate plan. While this decision will undoubtedly land heavily on your sibling, the decision also places you in a complicated position.
As the child who was not cut out of the estate plan, you may find yourself in an especially delicate spot, particularly if your parent named you as the personal representative or trustee in their estate plan. You may feel torn between emotionally supporting your sibling as they process this news and honoring your parent’s wishes, which you may also be legally required to uphold.
Balancing empathy, family dynamics, and legal responsibilities is hard under the best circumstances. After a parent’s death, when emotions are raw and long-standing tensions bubble to the surface, disinheritance can create an explosive environment that may force you onto a narrow tightrope between family loyalty and fiduciary responsibility.
One wrong step—an ill-timed comment, a perceived slight, or a poorly phrased text or email—can deepen resentment or even spark litigation. Knowing what you can manage on your own and when it is wiser to bring in a professional is part of the delicate balancing act.
Many Young People Are Counting on an Inheritance
For some, an inheritance feels like a birthright. Many people assume that part of their financial future will come from family wealth, and they may treat it as an anticipated windfall that will eventually provide stability or opportunity. However, the reality of receiving, or not receiving, an inheritance is often far more complicated.
Expectation Gap Between Parents and Children
A 2025 study by Northwestern Mutual found that 20 percent of adult children expect to receive an inheritance, with the average expected amount being nearly $335,000 according to a Choice Mutual survey. More than half of adults view the expected inheritance as “critical” to their long-term financial security. Nearly half of younger adults (ages 18 to 27) rely on financial help from their parents, and many lack savings and delay major life milestones such as homeownership and investing. Despite these expectations, only 31 percent of Americans say they plan to leave an inheritance.
Of the younger adults who expect an inheritance, most say they would save or invest the money. Others say they plan to use it for housing costs, debt repayment, or support for their own children. These expectations shape financial behavior in measurable ways:
- One in 6 reports feeling less stress due to an anticipated inheritance.
- One in 12 reports feeling less pressure to earn income now.
- One in 10 reports carrying more debt because they assume that a future inheritance will cover it.
These expectations are not merely wishful thinking. Sixty-one percent say they have either spoken directly with their parents about an expected inheritance or have seen their parents’ will or trust.
What It Means to Legally Disinherit Someone and Why a Child Might Be Disinherited
The shock of disinheritance is magnified when expectations do not match reality and the anticipated inheritance never materializes. Given how many young adults rely on the idea of a future inheritance, being cut out can feel like a financial and emotional double gut punch.
When Expectations Collide with Reality
More than half of young adults surveyed by Choice Mutual believe they will one day be financially responsible for caring for their aging parents. Many may implicitly view an inheritance as part of the “deal,” or a kind of tradeoff, for that anticipated support.
However, adult children are not legally entitled to an inheritance from their parents. An inheritance is a gift, not a right. Unlike spouses (who have statutory rights in Wisconsin) or minor children (who are often entitled to financial support until adulthood), adult children generally have no automatic claim to their parents’ estate.
A parent may disinherit an adult child for almost any reason, provided that the decision is voluntary, made with full mental capacity, and formalized with properly executed, legally valid documents.
Common Reasons Parents Disinherit a Child
- Estrangement or long-term conflict
- Concerns about substance abuse or financial irresponsibility
- Perceived fairness due to substantial lifetime gifts
- Blended family dynamics and competing obligations
- Deep moral or value-based disagreements
- A desire to protect assets through trusts for some children but not others
The decision to disinherit a child is often rooted in complex family history and is rarely simple or purely punitive. However, while a parent does not need to provide a specific reason, simply failing to mention the child in an estate plan is generally not enough to disinherit them: A parent must clearly state in their estate plan that a child is being intentionally excluded. Otherwise, the child may later claim that the omission was accidental (a pretermitted heir situation) or may inherit under state intestacy rules if no estate plan exists.
However, even when every legal requirement has been met, careful planning may do little to protect the sibling(s) left in the middle from the emotional and relational fallout—as well as the potential legal ramifications—that may come afterward.
Emotional, Moral, and (Sometimes) Legal Challenges for Inheriting Siblings
When a parent disinherits a child, the impact is rarely confined to the person who was cut out. It can reshape the entire family dynamic, placing the remaining siblings, particularly those who have been left an inheritance, in a uniquely complicated position.
If you find yourself in this position, you may feel torn between compassion for your sibling and respect for your parent’s autonomy. And if you are a fiduciary (i.e., a personal representative or trustee), the tension becomes legal as well as emotional. A fiduciary is held to the highest standard of care, meaning that you must act solely in the best legal and financial interest of the estate or trust beneficiaries while faithfully following your parent’s written instructions.
Fiduciaries Versus Nonfiduciaries
- If you are a fiduciary, you are obligated to carry out the estate plan exactly as written even though the decisions may be painful or controversial or risk creating conflict. Your role is to carry out your parent’s written intent, not to interpret or soften it. And in families where a sibling has been disinherited, every email you send, every document you provide, and every distribution you approve may be closely scrutinized.
- Even if you are not specifically acting as a fiduciary, you may still be drawn into an emotional crossfire, blamed for influencing the parent or pressured to mediate long-standing grievances.
As the executor or trustee, you may even be the one who ends up breaking the news to your disinherited sibling. As a sibling, you may also feel pressure to clear the air about your parent’s decision—to offer what little context you have to reassure them that you were not part of the decision or simply to soften the sting where you can.
Transparency Versus Caution
Some families favor transparency. Discussing the disinheritance while the parent is alive can reduce later shock and demonstrate that the decision was voluntary, which may be helpful and admissible evidence if that sibling later decides to contest the estate plan. It is almost always a smart idea for a parent to also notify their appointed personal representatives and trustees ahead of time so that they can prepare for potential issues and understand the parent’s reasoning.
However, early disclosure has real dangers. It can ignite resentment, invite pressure campaigns to change the estate plan, or trigger accusations of undue influence. Where conflict already exists, advance disclosure can escalate the situation long before the estate is ever administered.
Many families choose strategic limited disclosure, ensuring that fiduciaries and professionals know the plan while saving broader explanations for later or documenting them instead.
The Importance of Clear and Updated Estate Planning Documents
Families often avoid discussing disinheritance to prevent conflict during a parent’s lifetime. However, avoiding the conversation can create confusion and give rise to later disputes. As a sibling who remains included in the estate plan, especially if you are named as a fiduciary, your role is to support your parent in creating clear, updated documents and maintaining evidence that demonstrates their intent, capacity, and independent decision-making. This proactive approach helps reduce uncertainty and strengthens the estate against potential challenges by the disinherited sibling.
- Use explicit, unambiguous language. Disinheritance must be clearly Naming the child and documenting the parent’s decision removes any argument that the omission was accidental or the result of a drafting oversight.
- No-contest clauses. A no-contest clause in a will or trust can deter challenges by threatening to reduce or eliminate a beneficiary’s share if they initiate litigation. Such clauses cannot stop a disinherited child from suing, but they make weak claims far riskier.
- Align beneficiary designations. Outdated beneficiary designations on life insurance, retirement accounts, or payable-on-death accounts can completely override an otherwise clear estate plan. For example, if a parent updates their trust to exclude a child but leaves that child listed as the beneficiary on a retirement account, the account will still pass directly to that child. To avoid unintended inheritances, parents should review these designations and ensure that they reflect the same decisions made in their will or trust.
- Letters of intent and personal statements. A brief explanatory letter, although not legally binding, can illustrate that the decision was deliberate and not the product of outside Courts may consider these tools persuasive when evaluating challenges to an estate plan.
- Contemporaneous records of capacity. Attorney notes, confirmations of intent, and medical evaluations help establish that the parent acted with clear capacity and independence. These records can be critical evidence if the disinherited child later alleges undue influence or that their parent lacked
Above all, keeping the plan current is paramount. Outdated documents often create accidental rights or revive old ones, which can open the door to contests. Regular updates are recommended every three to five years or sooner if a major life event such as divorce, estrangement, reconciliation, the birth of grandchildren, or remarriage occurs.
Alternatives to Disinheritance
Disinheritance is not a binary choice. Estate planning offers ways to protect assets, express values, and set boundaries without completely severing ties.
- Beneficiary trusts. Rather than leaving assets outright to children, parents can place a child’s inheritance in a trust with specific conditions. Distributions might depend on the child meeting milestones such as reaching a certain age, maintaining sobriety, holding steady employment, or completing their education.
- Lifetime gifts or gradual transfers. A parent may prefer to provide modest financial support during life (g., helping with rent or medical bills) while directing the bulk of an inheritance elsewhere.
- Partial or restricted bequests. Instead of complete exclusion, parents might allocate a smaller share to the child through a restricted trust or professional trustee arrangement, helping to maintain a sense of fairness among siblings while protecting assets from mismanagement, creditors, or poor spending choices.
- Gifting to grandchildren or other heirs. Another way to preserve a family legacy is to skip a generation and leave assets directly to grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or other relatives instead of the disinherited child. This way, family wealth can support younger generations and also respect the parent’s decision to limit direct inheritance to a particular child.
- Charitable giving in lieu of full inheritance. Parents guided by specific causes or values can direct part of the estate to charitable organizations to create a lasting impact, but they may want to communicate to their loved ones the why behind the decision. Adding a personal letter or statement of intent can help surviving family members understand that this choice reflects deeply held beliefs, not retribution.
Ultimately, your role as an inheriting sibling is not to decide what your parent wants but to help ensure that whatever they decide is legally sound, voluntary, and clearly documented. That could entail nudging them toward an estate planning attorney, encouraging objective evaluations (such as capacity assessments), or helping them build a paper trail that demonstrates their independence. It may also mean discussing whether you should serve as personal representative or trustee at all; in many families, appointing a neutral professional or corporate fiduciary can reduce conflict and spare siblings from being placed in an impossible role.
You may be unable to avoid getting caught in the middle. However, you can help everyone affected by a disinheritance decision by seeking legal guidance that protects intentions, assets, and feelings—and by ensuring that the administration is handled in the way least likely to further fracture the family.
Posted in: Estate Planning, Family Planning, Trust